It happens in classrooms and homes all over the world: through no fault of their own, ADHD children are beaten with Sticks. Sadly, many of these children grow up and become romantically involved with a spouse who all-too-eagerly takes up the Stick-bashing role. Some even learn to beat themselves.
Of course the Stick I have in mind is the proverbial Stick whose natural predator is the Motivational Carrot. ADHD sufferers get the stick even more often and, tragically, it just doesn’t create lasting results. So why do we (and we all do) use it?
The Stick is used so often due to the (false) belief that it is more effective than the Carrot.
Here is a phenomenal example of how powerful the Carrot can be. The number one fear of American’s is not Osama bin Looser, it’s public speaking. I’ll let Scott Adams of Dilbert fame take it from here as he describes his experience at a Dale Carnegie Public Speaking Course:
I think there were about 25 people in the class. On day one, our instructor described the method he would use. It was simple to the point of making me think it couldn’t work. The Dale Carnegie approach to teaching public speaking is to compliment the speaker for whatever he or she does well, and never mention any flaws.
That’s it. That’s the entire technique.
The theory is that when you focus on flaws, you don’t address the underlying problem of being uncomfortable in front of people. If you tell someone to take his hands out of his pockets, he will, but he’ll transfer his nervous habit to some other mannerism. At best, you end up with robotic speakers afraid to do something wrong. I had already taken a few public speaking classes that focused on flaws, and I can confirm that the successful graduates were a bit like R2D2.
Most of my classmates in the Dale Carnegie course were basket cases when it came to public speaking. Some knew they had a serious problem and others were forced by their bosses to attend. The first day was grim. One woman stood frozen in front of the group, unable to generate an intelligible word. Beads of sweat literally dripped off her chin. It was horrible to watch. She choked out a few words and returned to her seat, defeated. Our instructor came to the front of the room and said, “Wow. That was really brave.”
And it was. We all knew it was true. This woman had put her head in the lion’s mouth. Suddenly we all realized we had witnessed something important. We applauded. And it changed her. Each week, she managed a little bit more. And each week the instructor and the class recognized her achievement. By the end of the course, everyone in the class was an exceptional speaker, and we all looked forward to our few minutes in front of the class. It was like witnessing a frickin’ miracle.
What I am taking away from this story is how powerful the Carrot is when wielded properly. This is the secret to Sparks Of Genius’ success in working with Challenged children, many of whom have attentional issues. They come to us with a track record of failure and scars from the Stick. We find their strengths and help them build a track record of success while playing Cognitive Training Video Games in our Electronic Playground. The transformation is amazing and gratifying.
I’ll be looking for more ways to use the Carrot in my own teaching and parenting, and hope you will, too!
-Allen Dobkin
