sparkmygenius.com

• 27Jun

  How Can You Help A Socially Awkward Child?

  ADHD, ADD, aspergers, parenting, social skills, teacher No Comments

  Even popular kids experience some feelings of exclusion and social clumsiness.  For a child with a Learning Disability (LD) or Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD, ADHD) or Asperger’s Syndrome, the social aspects of growing up are painful, embarrassing and often full of loneliness.  With the growth (real or illusionary) of school shootings like Columbine and Virginia Tech, the need to adequately socialize kids who live on the fringes of social networks has also exploded.

  How can we help reach out to children who are lacking friends?   Here is some helpful information reported by our friends at LiveScience.com.

  When a person feels authentic pride, he or she was more likely to score high on extraversion, agreeableness, genuine self-esteem and conscientiousness. Hubristic pride was most often linked with narcissism and shame.

  Read the article here.

  We as teachers and parents can capitalize on this information in two ways.  First, we can help a child avoid a potentially embarrassing situation.  Socially awkward kids possess few and weak social skills.  When they are having a bad day, don’t shove them into difficult (for them) social situations or force them to participate in group activities or play dates.  Since this is a challenging area for them, we need to build a track record of success and set them up for success by controlling some of the circumstances under which they interact with peers.

  The second way we can use this information to help them make and keep friends is to build them up prior to an encounter.  On the way to the neighborhood birthday party, remind the child of their successes and accomplishments, and have them help you remember the things they are proud of.  The achievements can be social, or they can be academic, sports-related, or anything that helps them feel genuinely good.   Your child will feel better and perform better under social situations when they are feeling good–just like anyone else would!

• 20Jun

  How to Make Tough Choices

  ADHD, ADD, aspergers, cognitive decline, learning disability, mTBI, memory, parenting, social skills No Comments

  One simple way we can sort out what choice is best is to create a plus and minus column.

  Put in the advantages and disadvantages of your proposed choice. Number each choice on an “important to me” scale of one to ten. Add up both columns or get a friend to help.

  Many genius minds got their inspiration after napping or a good night’s sleep.

  Still undecided? Separate your thoughts into three sections I feel this way, I think this about this and I sense or remember this could happen. The first method gives you the “what” of the story while the second method gives you the “why.”
  Now you need the “when.” This you can get by asking your self “Why is this a good time for this choice?” What can I gain by waiting, deciding immediately or not choosing at all”? For the where of this story consider if this is the best place or would a change of location make a difference. Also ask your self is there any knowledge missing I need to make this choice.

  Sleep on your decisions and listen to the voice on the inside. Often you will sense a green light, a red light or a yellow proceed with caution.

  Our minds have amassed countless categories and can assess in a moment of time what you could take months to think about actively. Many genius minds got their inspiration after napping or a good night’s sleep. It can work for you too!

  Mathematicians have determined we can make informed choices by following what are called axioms. They use numbers to explain things but we will use life examples to share these ideas.

  There are 5 principles or axioms for making decisions.

  1. Comparability
  2. Transitivity
  3. Dominance
  4. Independence
  5. Invariance

  The first principle is called “comparability.” For this you need to know you prefer apples to bananas or banana to apples or that you dislike or like both bananas and apples.

  Axiom two is called “transitivity,” which means if you prefer apples to bananas and bananas to carrots you must prefer apples to carrots.

  “Dominance” is axiom three. Here is how it works, a choice is dominant and must be preferred if when it is compared to an alternate choice it is best in at least one respect and better in all other respects. Dominated or lesser choices are not to be preferred.

  Axiom four is called “independence.” This says “no outside data should affect your choice.”

  The last axiom, number five, is “invariance.” Different scenery involving the same choice scenario should not affect the choice. Another way of saying this is your choice preference should remain independent of how it is described.

  When any of these axioms are not met there are several possibilities. The choice was not yours to make. In this case move on. You can not take responsibility for other peoples’ choices.

  Zig Ziglar says ‘Life is like the movies …You produce your own show!”

  Happy people live nineteen percent longer. Make a good investment. You can invest in worry or you can invest in you.

  There was not enough information available to make an informed choice or you were not given the power to make the choice. Life happens and life cycles, what goes around comes around. Think out a strategy for next time or watch for something effective another individual is using to negotiate the issue.

  You are a champion. Experience and coaching will help you win. Experts practice and watch for doors of opportunity. Novices give up because they see an event as defining them.

  Failure is an event and not an identity.

  Any novice can become an expert. Failure is an event and not an identity. Failure looks for servants, refuse to serve it!

  Your choice was clouded by a cultural mindset or political manipulation and does not represent you.

  For this scenario you will feel dissatisfied even when the choice is beneficial to you because you can not own it without changing your identity.

  • Think about how you can change your world one step at a time.
  • The way you see yourself is the way others will treat you.
  • Change your words and determine your destiny.
  • Your words will build you or destructure (destroy) you.
  • Go back to the chapter that suggests you decide what you would do if only you could. Find a way to take one step towards your destiny and do it!

  –Dr. Amy Price

• 06Jun

  Mental Obesity

  ADHD, ADD, art, aspergers, cognitive decline, learning disability, memory, parenting, school, social skills No Comments

  Think of your brain like your body.  What do you feed it each day?  A brain diet high in video games and low in cognitive demands will lead to mental obesity!

  The NY Times is reporting that new web sites aimed at children, especially girls, are on the rise. These sites allow kids to chat, Instant Message, Accessorize their cartoon avatars, dress up dolls and play video games.  Sounds like fun, so what’s the problem?

  The problem is that your brain is like a muscle–use it or lose it.  Spending an hour or two playing high stimulus, low cognition games (or watching equivalent TV programs, or reading equivalent comic books) is fine IF IT IS PART OF A WELL-BALANCED BRAIN DIET.

  What makes a well-balanced brain diet?

  Introducing the Brain-Food Pyramid:

  • 1-2 Hours of High-Stimulus, Low-Cognition activities: video games, TV, passive music, chatting with friends, internet surfing.
  • 1-2 Hours of  High-Cognition Activities: reading above grade level, write an essay, playing a musical instrument, peak-performance athletics, planning a big project.
  • 1-2 Hours of Physical Activity: walking, jogging, swimming, unstructured playing, sports, bicycling, etc.
  • 1-2 Hours of Socializing: hanging out with friends and family.
  • 7-10 hours of sleep!

  “Kids these days” are packing on 4-14 hours PER DAY of high stimulus activities that require next to zero thinking.  They’re ignoring the other aspects of life, sacrificing social skills and physical health (including sleep) in order to get their next “fix” of almost-free brain stimulus.

  Your brain needs exercise every day in order to stay in shape.  Don’t let Barbie take that away!

  Good luck,

  Allen Dobkin

• 04Jun

  Get the Biggest Advantage for Your Child

  ADHD, ADD, Sparks of Genius, aspergers, homework, learning disability, parenting, school, social skills, teacher No Comments

  Our nation has shifted its educational focus to standardized testing performance, for good or bad. One result is that parents, schools and districts are all looking for ways to play the system. If a school can massage the numbers just right, they get more funding. If parents can have their child diagnosed ADHD or with a Learning Disability, then the child can get extra time on the FCAT and SAT, which leads to a higher score and better college prospects. Plus, a little Ritalin or Adderall goes a long way. For anyone. Are your children getting lost in the shuffle? We hope to show you a trick or two to make sure that your kid has the best advantages, no matter what gimmicks are used by other parents and schools.

  Are the children getting lost in the shuffle?
  We hope to show you a trick or two to make sure that your kid has the best advantages, no matter what gimmicks are used by other parents and schools.

  The NY Times ran an interesting feature highlighting the advantages in redshirting: keeping a child out of kindergarten until he or she is a little older, as much as a year.

  Click here for the full article.

  Tool #1: Train your child to think that he or she is the boss.

  This may seem counterintuitive. After all, we often fight our kids to get them to do their homework. You want to transition your child’s current thinking from the perspective of “Educational Victim” to “Educational Entrepreneur”.

  Educational
  Victim	Entrepreneur
  Homework is an imposition	Homework is a challenge/tool
  Teachers are authority figures	Teachers are like employees
  I’m never going to use this in real life	How can I use this in real life?
  No dreams beyond play	Big, earth-shaking dreams
  High level of concern with appearing smart or cool	High level of concern with overcoming challenges
  Parents complain about school system	Parents participate in school system

  The institution of education, whether by accident or design, tends to create Educational Victims. In order to transition your child to thinking like an Educational Entrepreneur, requires adult-to-adult conversation. Your child doesn’t have the tools to change their own attitudes, so you must show them the way. Here’s how you do it.First, fix the “Stinking Thinking.” When you hear your child say things like, “I’m never going to use this in real life”, or “Miss Stinkyfoot is a rotten teacher” or “I hate homework”, take ten minutes and walk through this process. First, ask them exactly what is bothering them. Make them get specific. “He’s a jerk” doesn’t cut it. Once the complaint is out in the open, you must reframe it from the perspective of an Educational Entrepreneur. Here are some common translations.

  Translate Stinking Thinking
  Stinkin’ Thinkin’	iThoughts
  Homework is boring	Let’s turn it into a challenge: how much can you finish in 15 minutes (then take a fun break).
  Mr. Soandso is mean to me	Let’s find a way to make him a friend…just like we would as an adult with a mean employee
  I’m never going to use this in real life	Sometimes the content isn’t what is important, but mastering the PROCESS is. The best businesses have the best processes, not necessarily the best products.
  The subject is boring.	Tie the subject in to real life and show how it is important.
  I’m bored/hate school.	This student is stuck in victim mode. Reframe the school experience so that the child is the boss. Consider that the child may be overwhelmed and need some one-on-one help.

  To be continued tomorrow.

  -Allen Dobkin

• 25May

  Brain Training Boot-Camp

  ADHD, ADD, art, aspergers, cognitive decline, learning disability, mTBI, memory, parenting, school, social skills No Comments

  Something happens to kids across America every summer, and you can practically hear the giant SLURPing sound as half of what they learned in school this year washes down the drain. The Brain Drain.

  All too often, Summer Camp activities are mind-numbing instead of mind-expanding.

  Like anything else in life, there are good and bad sides to the summer vacation and the camp experiences that often accompany it. Summer Camps can be great places where children can exercise their bodies and the seven intelligences ignored by traditional schools: musical, interpersonal, intrapersonal, naturalist, kinesthetic, spiritual and spatial.

  All too often, however, the activities are mind-numbing instead of mind-expanding. Kids need challenging mental workouts during the summer to keep their brains in shape. Here are some effective activities, and some not-so-effective activities that are great for summer fun.

  Here are some tips to help you maintain Brain Fitness for your kids over the summer.

  Boca Sparks of Genius is offering a Brain Training Boot Camp this year. It’s an intensive attention, focus, brain-enhancing boot camp; two hours per day for 1-5 weeks. Students use brain training video games, played with our mind-reading helmet by thought power alone. Its great for anyone who wants to acheive peak performance in school or sports and is especially helpful for children with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD/ADD) or a Learning Disability (LD). Click here for the PDF flyer.

  Boca Sparks of Genius is offering a Brain Training Boot Camp this year.

  Not everyone can make it, and that’s fine. Here are some tips to help you maintain Brain Fitness for your kids over the summer. It isn’t easy. You’re going to have to fight off Shrek, Pirates of the Carribean, Spiderman, Harry Potter (the movie, not the book) and every international company aiming their advertising squarely at your kid’s eyeballs.

  First, the bad.

  Video Games – these have a high stimulus payoff but minimal cognitive investment. Most games require manipulation of a handful of controls, which is nowhere near as challenging as organizing ideas for an essay or planning a multi-step science project.

  Television and Movies – again, high stimulus payoff but this time zero cognitive investment. Even when the content is educational, the activity is passive. The child may absorb some facts but it is the equivalent of laying down mentally: it won’t keep their brain in shape and in fact can lead to brainpower atrophy!

  If a child reads with automaticity, then she needs more challenging material to work out her mental muscles.

  Pulp Reading – if your child is reading challenged, then by all means encourage any kind of reading. However, if your child is reading on grade level, then pulp media like comic books, manga and sub-literary material do more harm than good! If a child reads with automaticity, then she needs more challenging material to work out her mental muscles. If your child is truly, madly, deeply in love with a particular piece, then have her write a thoughtful essay about the material.

  Texting and Instant Messaging – just imagine that your child is getting reward pellets instead of text messages and you’ll see why this activity is a stinker. Not only does it not expand the brain, it trains l33t-sp3@k..that wild combination of LOLs and AFKs that make texting work. Is it any wunder that our grammar stinx?

  Fooling around with crafts, or making lame projects, does not exercise the brain.

  Arts & Cra*s – Just because you give a kid some paint does not mean she will learn or do much of anything. Fooling around with crafts, or making lame projects, does not exercise the brain. The kids need to be challenged: paint or sketch with realism, brainstorm and create an image of what a 5th dimension might look like, play with perspective. Slapping paint on paper can be just as brain-draining as crafting in World of Warcraft or Dark Age of Camelot (Note for old people: that means very boring).

  Nature Walk of Doom – Yes, kids need unstructured play time and not everything needs to be educational or mentally stimulating. BUT, Nature Walks and Nature Trails and NatureH ikes that are part of Summer Camps are supposed to be enlightening. They are certainly wonderful opportunities. All too often, however, the kids are strung along by a bored volunteer or assistant who couldn’t tell the difference between a Blue Heron and an Egret if they bit him on the butt. The kids need a guide, even if just a book, who can teach them how to identify flora and fauna and show them how each species is unique and interesting. Then they need to use those facts in discussions or papers or projects or presentations. Make competitions, play Nature Bingo, but don’t just lead them around in a circle.

  Kids are strung along on Nature Walks by a bored volunteer who couldn’t tell the difference between a Blue Heron and an Egret if they bit him on the butt.

  Social Science – Summer can help kids break out of their social bonds. They can interact with kids outside of their normal cliques. Kids who are academically challenged may find it easier to make friends in an evironment where they are not being weighed, measured and found wanting. Or they can sit in isolation and never get anywhere. Kids without friends are not happy, not matter what they tell you. They don’t know what they’re missing! Making friends, sharing, telling secrets, having fights and making up, setting boundaries–these are vital life skills, and they take mental effort to build. How does your kid’s summer experience help build them?

  How does your kid’s summer experience help build social skills and friendships?

  MP3 Doom! – Curse the iPod! As if it weren’t easy enough to avoid people, now it is possible for kids to grow up without having to interact with just about anyone. This is bad, people! We socialize when we are stuck waiting in line and in class and in the lunchroom and on the playground–but not if we can just slap on our headphones and drown out the world with music. What kind of music? The simplistic kind with high stimulus payoff and little to no cognitive investment.

  We socialize when we are stuck waiting in line and in class and in the lunchroom and on the playground–but not if we can just slap on our headphones and drown out the world with music.

  Tomorrow: The Good!

  Be well,

  Allen Dobkin

• 24May

  Parenting a Child with ADD, ADHD or Asperger’s Syndrome

  ADHD, ADD, Sparks of Genius, aspergers, learning disability, parenting, social skills No Comments

  Hey there everyone!

  It’s Ellen again. As I muddle through my full, often exciting and stressful days, I think of  various subjects to write about that would have a positive impact on the lives of others. These subjects are usually ones which I personally have dealt with and I feel would be of significant value to discuss with all of you.

  OK….here goes! Many of you are the parents of children or young adults that have a disability such as ADD or ADHD. They are really bright and intuitive, yet their disabilities make many tasks so very tough. Many in the general population believe that in order to have “a disability” one needs to have physical or facial attributes of such. We know that is not the case. But, this is what makes their lives so tough.

  I know it hurts Wes, as well, he just doesn’t show his emotions–another characteristic of Asperger’s Syndrome.

  My son has Asperger’s Syndrome and ADHD, as well. He is an extremely handsome, well built 26 year old young man. To look at him walking down the street one would have no notion that his Asperger’s Syndrome & ADHD make life so very difficult for him. Due to this fact, people expect “more” from him. They are not tolerant of the fact that when they drum up a conversation he cannot look you in the eye, does not understand social cues and finds it impossible to carry on a conversation without getting frustrated and ready to move on to something else, losing focus.  They wonder, “how can this be, he looks so normal, I don’t get it”. They cannot believe that he can have a disability because he “doesn’t look it”. They expect more from him and the lack of patience hurts me so very much. I know it hurts Wes, as well, he just doesn’t show his emotions–another characteristic of Asperger’s Syndrome.

  A unique characteristic of AS and certain levels of autism on the spectrum, is the amazing ability to focus on one particular subject or art and truly excel in it.

  Yet, also a unique characteristic of AS and certain levels of autism on the spectrum, is the amazing ability to focus on one particular subject or art and truly excel in it. Case in point, Wes reads sports statistics books daily. He is knowledgeable about just about every sport, such as, hockey, baseball, football, basketball, just to name a few. He knows information on every player, every team and if you were to carry on a conversation with him you would have no idea he has Asperger’s Syndrome (mild autism). In addition, many of the sports figures who live close by know Wes and respect him for the wonderful, kind person he is and enjoy carrying on conversations with him on his extensive knowledge of sports!

  This is why we must educate society. A person can have a disability and not have to “look it”. Likewise, a person can have a disability, have physical and facial attributes of such, and society does not give that person a chance. Their IQ may be “off the charts” fabulous….but due to their “look”, the thought is “how can they achieve anything great if they have special needs.”

  It is up to us to give our kids the positive reinforcement they need to continue being the creative, capable people we know they are!

  I suppose you have to really get to know these people to experience what I live with on a daily basis. Not only with Wes, but with all the other exciting, phenomenal children and young adults I work with on a daily basis. How amazing, capable, talented, special and unique they are. I suppose the moral of this story would be, “Hey guys, Don’t judge a book by its cover!” Let’s take the time to advocate for our kids and teach society that they are worthwhile productive children and young adults that may very well be our future leaders. Everyone is important, they just need to be reminded of that. And, it is up to us to give our kids the positive reinforcement they need to continue being the creative, capable people we know they are!

  Let’s shout it out….Let’s educate those that just don’t know what we know…..

  THESE PEOPLE ARE PRODUCTIVE AND RESPECTED MEMBERS OF SOCIETY, THEY NEED TO BE GIVEN A CHANCE…..WHAT WINNERS YOU WILL SEE!

  LET THOSE “SPARKS OF GENIUS” CONTINUE TO ENLIGHTEN US AS WE APPRECIATE AND MUDDLE THROUGH OUR BUSY LIVES. EVERYDAY IS A NEW EXPERIENCE, EVERYDAY IS A GIFT FROM “THE MAN UPSTAIRS.”

  All the best & G—D Bless,

  ELLEN

• 23May

  How to Treat ADHD Kids

  ADHD, ADD, Sparks of Genius, aspergers, learning disability, mTBI, parenting, school, social skills, special olympics No Comments

  Parents, teachers and students are often afraid to interact with THEM–you know THEM: the kids with IEPs and 504s. The kid who gets extra time on tests and has to visit the nurse every day to take his meds. The other kids call her EMO and him SPAZ because he won’t sit still.

  As a teacher, it can be tricky game of balance to give the challenged student everything he or she needs to be successful in the classroom without turning the student into a complete outsider. Here’s some tips to make life easier. Since you already have way too much to remember, these tips will all be about forgetting.

  1. Forget labels. ADD, ADHD, Asperger’s, LD…they are a bunch of baloney. I’ll give 2-to-1 odds that any given student in your school has been misdiagnosed. Let’s be honest: the professionals in this field are likely to be compassionate, but not exactly rocket scientists. It just doesn’t pay enough!
  2. Forget fair. There are two parts to this. First, only the kids who need glasses wear glasses. Nobody complains that it isn’t fair that only some kids get glasses. A learning disability of any kind is no different than needing glasses. The child with a learning disability needs corrective tools that others do not. Teachers: never deny or delay the challenged child’s accommodations because it seems unfair to the other students. It isn’t!The second part is that the teachers are supposed to be in charge of the classroom. When other students complain that they want extra time too and that it isn’t fair it is the teacher’s responsibility to lay down the law, “This is my decision and it is not up for discussion.”
  3. Forget different. All students want the same things: they want to learn, and be respected, and feel a sense of accomplishment. They want to be recognized and valued as-is without having to become something worthy of appreciation. They want to have fun, live their lives and make friends.When I say all students, I mean ALL. You have a kid that isn’t interested in learning? Wrong! He IS interested, but something is getting in his way. Maybe his family life is rotten, or the only people who appreciate him are his fellow gang members and he’s dissing school to please them.
  4. Forget lazy. If you’re thinking that this kid would do fine if he wasn’t so lazy, you’re on to something alright, but not the fact that he’s lazy! It is up to the professionals in a child’s life to (help him or her) figure out what the underlying causes are (of apparent laziness) and address them. That’s so important, I’m going to say it again and bigger.

  It is up to the professionals in a child’s life to (help him or her) figure out what the underlying causes are (of apparent laziness) and address them.
  

   

  Good luck!

  Allen Dobkin

   

• 04May

  From one parent to another…

  ADHD, ADD, Sparks of Genius, aspergers, learning disability, parenting, school, social skills, special olympics No Comments

  My name is Ellen Kleinert-Cohn. I live in Florida and am extremely involved in the plight of the developmentally disabled. I am a mother of three young adults, two of whom have special needs. In addition, I work in my husband’s law firm where we specialize in advocating for individuals with special needs. I also am a Management Team Member of The Special Olympics Broward County.

   

  Our mission is to “bridge the gap” between the general & special population by showing the world how truly talented, capable, special & unique individuals with developmental disabilities are.

   

  I am also the director of the world renowned Florida Special Needs Color Guard & Dance Program. It is the first special needs color guard team in the world. We perform as exhibition on The South Florida Winter Guard Association Circuit & perform annually, at Winter Guard International World Championships in Dayton, Ohio. Our mission is to “bridge the gap” between the general & special population by showing the world how truly talented, capable, special & unique individuals with developmental disabilities are. And, this past November, 2007 we had the amazing opportunity to do just that. Our very special color guard program made history by being the very first group of developmentally disabled young adults ever invited to perform in a fabulous American Tradition….The 80^th Anniversary Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade.

   

  When these kids perform…there is “not a dry eye in the house.”

  Our team consists of really fabulous young adults. They range from the age of 12 through 40!!! (The average age is 21), and some of their disabilities are Cerebral Palsy, autism (Asperger’s Syndrome), Down Syndrome, Learning Disabilities, and Attention Deficit Disorder, just to name a few. On this amazing team we stress our ABILITIES rather than our disabilities. With the inclusion of flags, wooden rifle & metal sabers, and interesting dance movements, combined with inspirational music, we create a performance that is fabulous! When these kids perform…there is “not a dry eye in the house.”

  Also we have non disabled coaches who are involved with our very special kids & they serve as role models for each other. These high school & college kids learn to be more compassionate, caring and the world sure needs more of that!!!

  I often wonder what it would be like if my oldest son, who is now 26 years of age, did not have special needs.

  OK……so that’s a little background about me. I am truly blessed to do what I do & to have the family I have. It has been a long, hard road, to say the least. I truly believe that G—D has decided what my destiny in life was going to be & has given me what it takes to “give it my all” and make the best out of an often difficult situation (s). I often wonder what it would be like if my oldest son, who is now 26 years of age, did not have special needs. He has Asperger’s Syndrome (mild autism), a seizure disorder (under control), learning disabilities & ADD. I love him dearly for who he is & accept him for the fabulous, kind, good natured, very special human being he is….but that is not to say that for his sake, I would not mind his life being easier. This goes for my daughter, who is 20 years of age, as well. Her issues are different than her brothers & she has learning disabilities, ADD and a few other letters of the alphabet. Although, her functioning level is higher & she, as well as her brother, excel in areas that others have only dreamed of. Their brother, age 22 is a Network Administrator at the school district in our county & spends a great deal of time volunteering and coaching our kids.

  The sad part, which I encounter everyday, is that many in the general population just “don’t get it”. [Editor: Including some teachers!]

   Because they may not be deeply involved with a person who does have a developmentally disability or are not privy in one way or another to such, they lack the patience and understanding so needed in dealing with such worthy individuals. They have a negative attitude and to be completely honest & blunt, cast them aside as not being important or worthwhile. How wrong they are & it is for us to make sure that the message gets out that their concept of such individuals is so wrong and misguided!

  Wow….these children & young adults are worth a second look! And a third & a fourth, to say the least! They are truly amazing! Their attitudes are grateful, thankful and positive. They are proud of whom they are & I believe we can all take a lesson from them. And, most importantly, they can achieve anything they put their minds to with much determination, positive reinforcement and hard work.

  Our goal is to help individuals with developmental disabilities fulfill their dreams & live up to their maximum potential.

  I will say that this is my opportunity to perhaps “spread the word” that as parents, especially of young children who have disabilities such as Asperger’s Syndrome, ADD and the likes, don’t get intimidated or discouraged by school professionals. In your plight to advocate for your child/young adult, you will be confronted by some wonderful, supportive teachers, ESE specialist, etc & others that “have a lot to be desired”. Don’t give up…..hang in there….no one knows your child better than you. Which brings me to the teacher that may be overwhelmed & overworked & recommends that you immediately “get your child on medication to help him attend better.” I realize that every situation is to be handled on an individual basis, of course, but be smart…..and look into other alternatives, as well…FIRST!!!! Medications do have many side effects, as we knew all along, but even more so as time goes on.

  In your plight to advocate for your child/young adult, you will be confronted by some wonderful, supportive teachers, ESE specialist, etc & others that “have a lot to be desired”. Don’t give up…..hang in there….no one knows your child better than you.

  Speaking from experience, over 20 years of it, I have been through it all. I cannot stress enough that I wish many of the various alternatives to medications were available many when my son was young. I was one of the Mom’s who battled constantly…here was my motto, “If a child can’t learn the way a teacher teaches, a teacher must teach the way a child can learn.”

  Thank goodness for Sparks Of Genius. 

  Thank goodness for Sparks Of Genius. For not only the kids in my family, but me as well. There are good alternatives, and this, I know first hand is one of them! We need to be “open” and as time goes on you do recognize the good honest people from the ones who are not. These methods of technology are here for all of us….check it out….embrace them…….such an alternative can make the real positive difference in your child/young adults life. It is a pleasure to see everyday, and an emotional experience, as well,  to see what I thought I would never see…….consistent training does make the difference (improving focus, thinking more clearly, making conversations with others we thought previously impossible).

  Everyday is another adventure with your kids, especially if they have special needs, but we become better people for it, this is for sure!

  Love to hear your views……All the best to everyone….Keep up the great work… don’t give up, no matter how tough it may get at times. (Remember someone else always has it worse.) There is nothing more rewarding than working with our kids & seeing the progress…it is their futures & our legacy….they deserve our best efforts! G—D Bless!!!!

  (Good luck on your journey!!!!)

  Hang in there……ELLEN

• 02May

  Parenting the ADD or ADHD Child

  ADHD, ADD, Sparks of Genius, aspergers, learning disability, parenting, school, social skills No Comments

  Here is some great advice on parenting that applies to any child.

  1) Know the difference between big things and little things.

  2) Know the difference between incompetence and rebelliousness. If you child does something out of incompetence, then take the time to teach your child how to do it right. If your child acts out of rebellion toward your authority as a parent, then this behavior needs to be disciplined or punished, but cannot be tolerated or accepted.

  3) The word “discipline” means “to teach, to shape, to mold, or to perfect.” Remember this.

  4) Be firm, be consistent, and build a personal relationship with your child.

  5) Be careful not to become overly performance oriented with your children. They are more than just homework, reports, and chores. There is a real person there who has hopes, dreams, fears, likes and dislikes. Get to personally know your child.

  6) Quality time is no substitute for quantity time. The average father in America spends only 47 seconds a day in conversation with his children. But I am sure that it is quality time.

  7) Be a positive person, and a positive role model for your child. The best predictor of how your child will be when he is 30-40 years old is how YOU are as a person today. Be a positive influence on your child socially, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.
  Make the effort to catch your child doing something right every day.

  9) Teach your child how to be successful. First, take the time to figure out in your own life what it means to be “successful.” Is it just having more money or stuff? Or is there more to your life than that?

  10) Teach your child self-control and respect for others.

  Thanks to the folks at http://www.newideas.net/parents.htm. Let’s take a closer look.

  1) Know the difference between big things and little things.

  This is also known as “Choose Your Battles Wisely.” The danger is that is you are constantly correcting the child, the message is loud and clear that the child cannot do anything right, and frustration and learned hopelessness arise. Similarly, of you use up your resources seeking cooperation on little things, then you are out of tools when something big comes up.

  2) Know the difference between incompetence and rebelliousness. If you child does something out of incompetence, then take the time to teach your child how to do it right. If your child acts out of rebellion toward your authority as a parent, then this behavior needs to be disciplined or punished, but cannot be tolerated or accepted.

  This can’t be stressed enough. At Sparks of Genius we often see children who come to us virtually squished because teachers and parents and professionals treat their uncontrollable behaviors like rebellion. Thus they are punished instead of disciplined, and behavioral problems then do develop. The ADD or ADHD child cannot fully control his or her impulses.

  3) The word “discipline” means “to teach, to shape, to mold, or to perfect.” Remember this.

  Not punish! The goal is to train the child to avoid inappropriate behavior. Many teachers use shame to control their students. This technique works poorly on the impulsive child. He or she may make the connection between inappropriate outbursts and feeling ashamed because the teacher then ridicules them. However, when the time comes they still will not be able to control their impulse to speak out.

  4) Be firm, be consistent, and build a personal relationship with your child.

  This will give you more resources, more points to spend on buying cooperation from your child. If you have a strong relationship, you can call on that by saying something like, “Listen Billy, I know this is tough for you and your doing a great job so far. Can we finish this essay now? Otherwise I am going to look like I’m not doing my job.” Out of concern for you, the child will push himself.

  No relationship = no leverage.

  5) Be careful not to become overly performance oriented with your children. They are more than just homework, reports, and chores. There is a real person there who has hopes, dreams, fears, likes and dislikes. Get to personally know your child.

  It is so easy to get bogged down with all the have-to’s in a challenged child’s life. But without pursuing dreams, there is no reason to go through all the hard work! Take mini-vacations together by going to the mall or beach or park, as a reward and for no reason whatsoever.

  6) Quality time is no substitute for quantity time. The average father in America spends only 47 seconds a day in conversation with his children. But I am sure that it is quality time.

  Clue: children who feel neglected by their parents will misbehave to get their attention. Cut out the middleman by giving them the attention they want in the first place.

  7) Be a positive person, and a positive role model for your child. The best predictor of how your child will be when he is 30-40 years old is how YOU are as a person today. Be a positive influence on your child socially, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.

  The child will copy what you DO, not what you tell them to do. If mom and dad yell and fight, the child will too. If mom and dad tell the child that fighting and yelling are bad, but they do it anyway, then the child will do that too! He or she will act as if they think yelling and fighting are bad, but will continue to yell and fight.

  Make the effort to catch your child doing something right every day.

  The life of a child with Attention Deficit Disorder or a Learning Disability is a life filled with mountains of failure. Sometimes it takes work, and a creative imagination, to catch the child on-task. But without positive reinforcement every day, the child’s life becomes a series of endless failures and gloom. Turn a light on the positive.

  9) Teach your child how to be successful. First, take the time to figure out in your own life what it means to be “successful.” Is it just having more money or stuff? Or is there more to your life than that?

  This is a vital life skill. We assume that kids are picking this up on their own. A challenged child won’t, and most children in general don’t. Heck, you probably didn’t! So take the time to do it now. Showing the child what independent, adult life looks like shows them the light at the end of the tunnel, shows them for what they are working so hard!

  10) Teach your child self-control and respect for others.

  Good Luck!

  -Allen Dobkin

• 30Apr

  Dance Dance Revolution used in schools to fight obesity

  ADHD, ADD, school, social skills 2 Comments

  Hundreds – soon to be thousands – of public schools around the country are using the active video game Dance, Dance Revolution in Physical Education classes to get kids moving.

  And the kids are eating it up. Why?

  Children don’t often yell in excitement when they are let into class, but as the doors opened to the upper level of the gym at South Middle School here one recent Monday, the assembled students let out a chorus of shrieks.

  In they rushed, past the Ping-Pong table, past the balance beams and the wrestling mats stacked unused. They sprinted past the ghosts of Gym Class Past toward two TV sets looming over square plastic mats on the floor. In less than a minute a dozen seventh graders were dancing in furiously kinetic union to the thumps of a techno song called “Speed Over Beethoven.”

  Bill Hines, a physical education teacher at the school for 27 years, shook his head a little, smiled and said, “I’ll tell you one thing: they don’t run in here like that for basketball.”1

  My initial reaction is: Duh.

  P.E. was a combination of embarrassment, awkwardness, boredom and humiliation.

  As a child, my experience with P.E. was a combination of embarrassment, awkwardness, boredom and humiliation.  Traditional Phys-Ed revolves around structured activities that are either competitive, “educational”, or both.  For example, dodge ball, baseball, kickball, crab-ball, basketball, etc.

  How are they embarrassing?  HELLO!  Don’t you remember getting picked for teams?  I wasn’t always picked last, but no one was fighting to have me on their team.

  Awkward?  Yep, for me, I was not a “natural athlete.”  I didn’t come out onto the field with innate coordination and skills.  I had to learn them my own way.  Eventually, I developed pretty good skills at Racquetball, golf and tennis.  Notice that those are NOT team sports?  That leads me back to boredom and humiliation.

  For any Attention Deficit child, traditional PE activities are boring.

  For my, and I think for any Attention Deficit child (ADD, ADHD, whatever), traditional PE activities are boring as standing in a hot field waiting for someone else to swing a wooden stick at a little ball on the off chance that it might come my way.  I mean, where is the stimulation?  Compare even Pac-Man against waiting in line for your turn at ONE KICK in kickball, and it is obvious why kids prefer video games!

  Now to humiliation.  Yeah, there’s always that picked last phenomenon.  Harbor no illusions that the anxiety around being picked last is reserved for the bottom three or four kids.  Only the natural athletes, the kids everyone knows will be picked just about first, are exempt.  Everyone else worries about it.

  But getting on the team doesn’t make you safe…now it’s worse!  Every aspect of your performance will be analyzed by your team AND the opposing team.  No mistake will be forgotten; they need to know so that next time they WILL pick you last!

  So, I’m glad to hear that schools are only twenty years behind the times at making fitness interesting.  P.E. classes aren’t the end-all, be-all when it comes to obesity prevention, but they can make a difference.

  Good Luck,

  Allen

  From NYTimes.com http://www.nytimes.com/2007/04/30/health/30exer.html?_r=1&hp&oref=slogin

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